I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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