can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How does one acquire holy water?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I touched a dick in church today
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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