Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
