:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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