I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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