there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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