We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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