Im at strip club and am horny
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
