I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
