Your dad touched me again.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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