Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You were trust falling into bushes
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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