So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
im about as happy as oj after his trial
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
