Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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