i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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