sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
