Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
