please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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