Where is the hickey?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
