I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is the high leading the old right now
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
