i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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