there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
