i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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