there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
