A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
