You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
