I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He? As in you personified your dick?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize