hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
