WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
