so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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