tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
