The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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