So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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