took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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