For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
