I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
