I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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