Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
