I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
