Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I believe in your delicious
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
