He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
