I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize