Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
