I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
