ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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