I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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