This is not my ceiling
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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