life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
