The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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