I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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