You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
