I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
