when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
