i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
