I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
