my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
