So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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