i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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