a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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