I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
FUCK WHALES
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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