god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize