There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
