just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
