We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
