i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
