Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
