I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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