It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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