All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
