Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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