The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
