I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
