He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize