38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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