you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
