it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
