As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
