Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
