the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
