That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
