My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
